Girlfriend: Babe, let's go to the zoo...
Boy: But babe, I'm not ready to meet your family yet... Give me some time.. I love you.... :)
Jack: Hey Clark, do you smoke?
Clark: Yes!
Jack: How many packs?
Clark: 3 packs daily
Jack: How much is per pack?
Clark: $8 each pack.
Jack: How long have you been smoking?
Clark: Almost 18 years and counting.
Jack: So one pack costs $8 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $720. In one year, it would be $8640. Correct?
Clark: Yeah you are correct.
Jack: If in 1 year you spend $8640, you collectively spent $155,520. Correct?
Clark: Absolutely!
Jack: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 18 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Clark: Do you smoke?
Jack: No.
Clark: Where's your Damn Ferrari then?
Boy: The principal is so stupid!
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Boy: No?!?
Girl: I am the principal's daughter!
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Girl: No?!?...
Boy: Good! *walks away*
Allan is relaxing at home when he hears a knock at the front door. He open the door and spot a snail at the patio. He picks up the snail and then Allan throws it as far as he can.
After three years, there is a knock on the door. Allan opens it, sees the same snail, and says. "Hey Allan, what the hell was that all about?"
A boy enters to a barber shop and the hair stylist whisper to his client.
“This is the dumbest kid I known, watch while I prove it to you.”
The hair stylist places a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other hand, then he call the boy over and asks,
“Which do you want?”
The boy takes the quarter and leaves.
“What did I say to you?”
said the hair stylist.
“That kid never learns!”
afterwards, when the client leaves, he recognized the boy coming out of the ice cream store and he said.
“May I ask you a question? Why did you get the quarter rather the dollar bill?"
The boy simply licked his ice cream and said,
"because the day I take the dollar the game is over!”
Oh whatta clever boy!
Three guys stranded on a island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish.
The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home.
The second guy wishes the same.
The third guy says: I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.
Husband watching a video:
Husband: Don't do it! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don't say yes. No! No! NOOO!! The f*Ck, he actually did it! What a dumb ass!
Wife: Honey, why you so mad? What'aya watching?
Husband: Our wedding ceremony.
